Mom and money

Hello friends, it is well past time for an update.  It's been a challenging last 6 months, with the increasing severity of illness and passing of my (Stephanie's) Mom in September. Yet in this season of deep and confusing sorrow, we have seen a bounty of God's goodness and faithfulness in the big and little details of our family's story.

    I had been wrestling with some heavy anxiety that I would be traveling to/from the Philippines whenever Mom went into hospice, fearing that she would pass away while I couldn't get to her. I prayed often that God would be gracious and tender with that worry, knowing it was completely out of my control. When I look back to the last blog post in May, if we had ended up being placed with the little girl we were hopeful about, we very certainly would have been in the travel process during Mom's last days or shortly thereafter. I can praise God that he handle that concern in with his wisdom and sovereignty. He knew the timing of this season, and he knows the perfect timing of when we will finally go.

    Definitely there is sadness that our future children will never meet their Nana, that I won't have her encouragement  and guidance during what will undoubtedly be the hardest, most confusing season for my little family. But in that loss there is a strange gift that I cling to. I now know the loss of my Mother, the bizarre feeling of being untethered and alien to this life without the presence of the one who brought me into it. I know it's a different loss than that our future adopted children have experienced, but I will take this gift of grief as a unique starting place for empathy and compassion when entering into their profound loss. I can choose to use it or sink in it, and I pray to be wise in its presence.

    After Mom died, Justin and I received several unexpected, generous adoption donations in honor of her.  We also found out that we were awarded a $4,000(!!!) grant from Show Hope, an organization started by Steven Curtis Chapman. During a time when it's been hard for me to brain storm fundraising ideas or even try to think of next steps in this process, God has provided in exceedingly abundant measures. I've found the following to be true in details I never would have anticipated...

"If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath."
Psalm 34:18 (The Message)

    The practical aspect of funding our adoption was a concern for Justin and I when we first started talking about adoption several years ago, even before Willow and Boone were born. How does one actually go about raising the astronomical fees associated with international adoption? Justin is a planner, a spread sheet guy who likes tidy columns and things connecting from point A to B. I love and respect that about him because I am not any of those things. I have had fear and anxiety about money my whole life. I hate handling it, spending it, making it, talking about it, it all makes me feel uncomfortable and icky. To say that it is a miracle that we entered into international adoption as a one income military family without an "adoption financial plan" is appropriate. During this entire 2 year process, I have not once had any anxiety or questions of how we will fund this thing. That is not me being relaxed and chill, that is God being awesome and gracious. God called us to adopt and so we walk forward in obedience, trusting he will be faithful to what he has called us to do. Why would he not? We've sold t-shirts, done yard sales, art auctions, and various small fund raising steps. We've trimmed our budget and people have been extravagantly generous. But mostly we've been blessed and humbled by God's surprise provisions.  I challenge those who are on the fence of international adoption, who are using finances as a hesitation, don't limit God to dollars and cents. The God who holds the universe together is not intimidated by our money fears. 

On that note, ba-dum-bum, during this fast approaching holiday season, if you're a savvy online amazon shopper, you can help support our adoption fund simply by clicking through our blog. You have no fee, but we get a percentage contributed to our adoption account as an amazon affiliate. You simply click the amazon.com logo on the box at the top right corner of the blog and get to shopping. 

BAM! Easy-peasy, piece of cake, shopping done, money raised, and you are altogether awesome folk!

Thank you for waiting, bearing with, praying for, loving and supporting us over these long couple of years. Any day we could get the call, and you all can jump up and down, laugh, scream and cry with us as dear supporters of this journey!

The worth of the Wait

It has been an emotional week. I'll rewind to the beginning, back to May 13th, when we received an email from our adoption agency (CAN). They informed us about a 2 year old little girl on the Waiting Child list that may be of interest to us. Based on a brief description, we quickly requested to see her entire file, which included all of her history and medical information to-date as well as some precious photos. After reading her file, we instantly felt excited and hopeful and took the standard next step to have her file reviewed by an adoption medical specialist so we could be as aware as possible to what her special needs care might entail.

We submitted her information to a specialist on Thursday, which meant we likely wouldn't be able to get any feedback until Monday. During that wait, we prayed for this little one, for her future, for her family, whether it be us or someone else, ultimately for God's best for her. Our wait for a phone consult on Monday bled into Tuesday, when I was finally able to speak with the Doctor who was reviewing her file. She gave us an enthusiastic "YAY!" and felt this little girl would be a wonderful fit for our family, and encouraged us to pursue being matched with her. She was, in our hearts and minds, perfect for us, and us for her, and we were cautiously elated.

For the Philippine's Waiting Child list, families are able to view the file of a child their agency feels may be of interest to them, and then submit a parent profile request that is considered by the Filipino adoption board (ICAB). This is a totally different process than that for a "healthy" child referral. ICAB then takes all the family profile requests submitted for the child, deliberates for about 3-4 MONTHS, then chooses the family they think will best meet the child's needs.

We felt very confident and had no reservations about submitting a request for matching, while knowing that we were not guaranteed to be chosen, and that we would have to endure a 3 month wait to learn the decision. We shared this news with family and a handful of friends, waiting to submit our official request before making this step public.

Wednesday the 20th, a week after seeing her sweet face, we were driving home from NC to DC and I was passing the hours in the car by mentally crafting the perfect family profile request letter in my head to convince ICAB that we were the best match for her. My phone rang, and it was a call from our agency that left me feeling very confused and stunned. She informed us that ICAB had already chosen a family for the little girl, even before receiving all the family profiles from other agencies. This was highly uncharacteristic of them and she had never known them to operate this way before. I hung up, and tears exploded as it sank in that this precious 2 year old that I had allowed myself to dream about was not going to be our daughter. In the first 30 seconds, I felt myself spiraling from confusion to anger to questions. "What if I had gotten the files to the Doctor the day before? What if she hadn't taken the extra day and had given us an answer on Monday"? "What if I hadn't delayed submitting our request for matching because of our trip and had been able to get it in the night before"? "Would they have seen our profile and considered us?" "What if, what if, what if???" I shook my head hard, stopping the "what ifs" from becoming a torrent of irrational thoughts.

Speak the truth to me, I prayed. The truth flooded like a refreshing shower, quickly extinguishing the self-pity and distorted questions that were fighting to take root. The truth is we were privileged to specifically pray for this precious girl, we were able to share about her with family and friends, and ask for her, and us, and this whole tangled process to be covered in prayer. The truth is we prayed, our dear ones prayed, and God mercifully answered quickly. We don't have to endure 3 months of waiting before finding out we are not chosen, and we were prevented from paying the large fee required to submit the request. The beautiful truth is this little one's adoption process will move much faster without those 3 months of wading through profiles tacked onto the beginning, and we truly rejoice for that waiting family who got their YES phone call! What a joy and humble honor to be able to participate in her story in this small way, by coming before the throne our Heavenly Father and speaking her name. His answer wasn't what I was necessarily hoping for, but I trust it is His best, and it is good for her and for us. My initial, gut reaction to the news was one of loss and frustration, but as I felt the sorrow, I tasted the joy that always follows. 

The truth is, I can endure the waiting if it means God draws me near and whispers His promises to my heart time and again. Waiting is difficult, but it can also be a sweet spot. It allows for a delicate view of shifts and ripples and full-circle stories swirling all around us. But we have to be still, and observe with hearts wide open during the wait, not permitting the "what ifs" to trample over the beauty that promises to bloom.

Friends, hello! You are long overdue for an update on where we are in our adoption process. Not much has changed logistically since the last post; we are still in the waiting for referral phase, meaning we are waiting for the Philippine adoption board to match our dossier with a child(ren) who they think would best suit us, and us them. This wait on average is 12-18 months, and we are about 9 months in! While it seems long, the waiting time has been necessary as we've transitioned to living in the DC area. To be honest, it's been a raw, emotional, and challenging time for me, but so very rich in growth and purpose. We've settled in nicely to the area, found a church home where we feel connected and welcome, established a homeschool rhythm, and are generally enjoying life here. But the grieving that took place as we left our home and friendships in Cincinnati has continued to come in surprising waves for me, and at times, the kids. It's good for me to feel this loss, to remember that our future child will indeed grieve the leaving of what they now know as home, that it will be acute, and also chronic.

I am freshly reminded of the truth that joy and sorrow are not opposing emotions, but often run congruent with one another, like parallel train tracks traveling to a singular destination. Joy and sorrow marked Jesus' life, and I'm beginning to discover that as they mark mine, I'm more keenly aware of His preparation and plan in our family's story.
As the months tick off the adoption waiting period, I feel my sorrow rise, and it often spills from my eyes. Sorrow for wounds that my child bears, undoubtedly wrestles and argues with, and will struggle to reconcile, or be at peace with, in their heart. My comfort is knowing that sorrow and joy can be partners in the never ending process of swabbing and healing wounds.

As I revisited past blog posts and our prayer requests, I'm humbled to see how God has steadily, specifically been answering them. I asked for increased gentleness and patience in my parenting and I can truly say that God has been transforming my mothering heart, making me a better mother to our children now, and preparing me for parenting a deeply wounded, confused heart. Truly, praise the Lord for the miracle of continuing to transform and redeem our hearts.
Also, up until this point, we've received so much love and financial support it's been amazing. We still have a huge chunk of fees we will have to pay once matched and at travel. We are trusting God will continue to be faithful with provision. Thank you to those who have contributed....we are humbled and honored you want to be part of this journey.

Would you continue to please pray for us? For Willow and Boone and wisdom on how to best begin preparing them for new siblings. For the remainder of funds to be provided and ideas for fundraising. We will be applying for grants soon, and hope for favor as families are given funds. For Justin and I to be united and and our marriage protected as we continue to wait and wonder. And mostly, for the ones we will be bringing into our home, who have endured loss, sorrow and confusion in their short little years. For kind, gentle preparation for them as they begin the leaving process of where they are now and learn how to integrate into a strange family.

We've been so encouraged with all the foster and adoptive families we've met over the past few years; their honesty at the real struggles waged and heartache that is endured, tempered with the joy and hope that is experienced, has provided sustaining insight and wisdom as we wait.

So please keep praying, and keep your eyes and ears perked for some upcoming opportunities to be part of this story!

Hello All! It's been quite some time since my last post...and we've experienced a few changes! Over the last few months we packed up and moved from Cincinnati OH to Alexandria VA, where Justin is now working at Coast Guard Headquarters in DC. We celebrated Boone's third birthday, started homeschooling, hosted family and friends in our new home, found a church, enjoy exploring our new city, and are generally settling in nicely.

I had secured a new adoption agency to work with in Virginia prior to moving, so we were able to hit the ground running and begin the update of our Ohio Home Study to a Virginia approved one. It's strange to think that this is the house that we will be bringing new children into. Sometimes I find myself imagining what the couch or dinner table will look like with 3 or 4 instead of just our 2, and I pray for their little hearts while we wait. Thankfully, by the grace of God, our update was much, much less involved and expensive as we were originally told. Now we just wait for our new VA background checks to clear so we can re-apply with US Customs and Immigration for an updated approval letter.

Our completed dossier was sent (with our OH home study) to the Philippines in June, and we received a letter from the Philippine InterCountry Adoption Board via our international agency that it has been processed, approved, and we are officially in the "matching" eligible stack of families!

So, the waiting game begins again. Typically, from the time of Philippine ICAB approval of a dossier, it can take 12-18 months for them to match, or refer, a healthy child(ren) to a family. We are hoping that the time may be slightly less for us since we are open to 2 children and to some special needs. But we are trusting that God's timing is perfect, be it 6 months or 16 months. Also, we will still be receiving notifications of any children on the Waiting Child list who fit our family's profile. These children are immediately available for matching due to more significant special needs.

Whichever route a child, or more, comes to our family, we are fully trusting God's sovereign hand to be the guiding force and final authority in the outcome. Each step, we have marveled at his timely provision, the unfurling of confusing details into simple, manageable steps, and the generosity of our loving people.

Next on the horizon, much continued prayer:
*Prayer for the remaining finances to be provided, be it through fundraising, donations, grants, etc.                We have quite a chunk left to go, and are thankful for the generosity expressed towards us thus far.

*Prayer for whomever is going to be joining our family- for their continued protection physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That they would be gently prepared to leave all they know, that their wounded hearts will be able to receive love. That the peace of the Holy Spirit would be present with them even now. The gripping reality of the deep, devastating brokenness that must exist for adoption to even be necessary is heart wrenching and often brings me to weeping. I believe a Godly sorrow for the orphaned can be purposeful when tempered with prayer. While the act of bringing more children into our home is exciting and  joyful, I don't want the sorrow, loss and grief that must accompany it to be minimized or brushed over. I personally would appreciate prayers as this is a constant, weighty presence.

*Prayer for us that God would continue to transform our family, grow us in generosity, patience, perseverance and gentleness with one another, and increase our capacity for unconditional love.

I'll be posting again soon in regards to how you can specifically join in supporting us. We have some fun things on the horizon, including an Online Art Auction and sponsored bike laps around the National Mall in DC!

As always, you can continue to use the amazon link in the above right hand corner (click on the yellow word "amazon" on the bottom of the widget box) and we get a small percentage at no cost to you. Convenient for all that holiday shopping!

Joyfully,
Stephanie 

A change is coming...

Hello friends! It's been an embarrassingly long time since I've posted an update on here...but writing about each piece of paperwork can get boring! Thankfully, we've conquered most of that mountain and are very close to getting our dossier packet ready for send-off. Our home study was completed and approved around Christmas (yahoo!) and we have sent off our application to US Customs and Immigration for approval to bring an international child into the USA. Part of that application process involves being fingerprinted again, and then about a  45-60 day wait time for processing of the application.

In the middle of this waiting period, we've found out that our upcoming transfer with the Coast Guard will land us in Washington DC; we'll be moving at the end of May. On the adoption side of things, this means once we've settled into our new home, we'll have to have our home study updated along with a handful of other forms. It complicates and increases the expense, but we felt strongly that God was urging us to start the process this past summer instead of waiting until we move. We trust Him with the complicated and confusing, so onward we go...

The support we continue to receive from all of you is truly such an amazing gift. From shopping via our amazon affiliate link, to contributions, prayers, supportive words and conversations, sharing inspiring links and books...we feel very loved and equipped with a team rallying behind us as we move closer and closer to bringing a child(ren) into our home. Thank you, deeply. One thing I've seen continuously in the past year, through the complexities and challenges of this adoption process, some family health problems, tricky timing of certain events, is that Christ always shines. Through his church he shines, through illness he shines, through confusion, red-tape, expenses, waiting,waiting,waiting, he shines brilliant in his goodness and faithfulness and love for us. I'm thankful for the challenges of this process because it keeps me looking towards his light that permeates all darkness, it draws us closer in prayer and partnership with fellow Jesus lovers. I've learned, in spite of hard things, that is worth it, it is IT.

We welcome you to continue to pray for us as we approach moving, finishing up our dossier packet, navigate fundraising, and most importantly, continue to prepare our hearts and minds for the reality of bringing a child who's lived through trauma into our family. Pray especially for the little ones who wait, who may not even know what they wait for, but have deep aches and hurts written across their hearts.

Family Tree Donation

Hello dear friends! Many of you have graciously, generously expressed a desire to offer us a financial donation for our adoption fees. For that, we are truly so, so grateful. This process would be impossible on so many levels without everyone's support, be it prayer, love, kindness, encouraging words and listening ears, or financial gifts.
Although we will most certainly be the proud parents of this new child, we strongly believe that this is not just "our" adoption, it is beyond just us. We were all created for deep fellowship and linking arms and sharing burdens and drinking joy together, for one another, as we all lay our heads in the lap of the same Father. When my lap is full of my two sweet ones, legs twisted, arms intertwined so tightly you can't find the start and stop of one another, I tremble joy with the thought of another pair (or more) added into the lap-mix.
It's a long way off still until they're here, I know, so I'm praying that as this "gestation" period of the adoption unfolds, that this child will continue to be born in my heart since they can't be born of my body. Motherhood has helped me understand God's love for me, adoption is helping me understand his rescue. So, as one's who have been love-rescued, we step out and we welcome fellow journeyers in our story, as part of one collective, bigger story.

If you'd like to journey with us, you can click the link to the right for Family Tree Donation and it will take you to our donation page on our international adoption agency's website (Children of All Nations). Click the red Donate button and it will lead you through the simple process. Your donation will go directly to our adoption fees via Children of All Nations accounting department and we will receive notification that a donation has been made within 24 processing hours.

In regards to praying for us, YES please! We would love it if you would pray for:
*The home study process--that it would be smooth and speed-bump free
*The adoption conference we will be attending in October--that we would be refreshed and inspired and educated about this adoption thing.
*The dossier packet for our international agency-- it has the potential to be tedious and confusing and generally overwhelming.
*The child(ren) waiting for us--that they would be protected from further trauma and hurts, that their hearts would begin to soften towards the idea of being loved and in a family, that they would feel safe and protected and secure where they are now, that the Holy Spirit would bring peace and comfort to their days and nights.
*For financial provision during this adoption process.
*Protection emotionally, spiritually, mentally as our family is stepping into this. It's a vulnerable, trusting place to be for a while.


Thank you and we love you so,
The Hoffers

Hello dear ones! We've had a busy last few weeks as we've been checking things off our to-do list and squeezing in family travels before Justin headed back to class. We have diligently been plugging away at adoption related paperwork and becoming more familiar with both our local and international agencies.
I thought it might be helpful to give a brief breakdown of the "lingo" I might use when describing our process to help those interested better understand what the heck I'm talking about. I'm still definitely a novice and learning myself so I hope this proves helpful.

Children of All Nations(CAN)- is our international agency based out of Austin TX. This is who has communication with the Philippines. They prepare and submit the final, massive packet of paperwork that essentially tells the Philippines that we are a suitable family and gives them a very detailed description on who we are so we can best be matched with a child.

Adoption Connection- this is our local agency here in Cincinnati that will perform and prepare our Home Study for submission to Children of All Nations to be included in our final packet. We will meet with their Licensed Social Worker at least 4 times to answer in-depth questions and supply all the info required by the Philippines. Before even starting the home study we have to get background checks from each state lived in since 18 yrs old, fingerprints, physicals and doctor approval for each member of the family, home fire inspection, financial statements and so on.

Intercountry Adoption Board (ICAB)- is the entity in the Philippines that oversees every adoption of a child from their country. They do the matching and referrals of the children in their orphanages, approval of family applications, and establish all policies and regulations regarding Filipino adoptions.
ICAB only works with a small number of US agencies in placing children and allots each agency a set amount of application slots per year. We received the fifth and final slot for our agency this year.

Waiting Child- is one who is considered to have special needs, be it physical, emotional, mental or age related, complex background, sibling groups, or a combination. These children are considered a high priority in being adopted out of a country due to their special needs and lack of available families interested in adoption within their native land. Each agency has a list of waiting children where you can access their information and express interest in a child. Meaning, you might be able to potentially "match" your family with a child vs. waiting for the agency to match you with a "healthy" child.

Healthy Referral Program-  is adoption of a child not considered to be a "waiting child". These children are generally younger and have less severe special needs. Our agency (CAN) was given 5 slots for the Philippines Healthy Referral Program this year. We filled that 5th slot, but are extremely open and interested adopting off of the Waiting Child list if there is a child(ren) for who we might be a good fit.

Dossier this is the big, mac daddy packet that is sent to the Philippines, presenting our family to them for scrutiny and consideration. I don't yet know what all will be in this apart from our home study, financial and medical information, 2 psychological evaluations/tests for both of us, and much, much more. Our agency's goal is to have this submitted by December 2013, and it will be an intense, challenging task to get it done that "quickly" given that we are the last family in their program and will simultaneously be doing our home study for the local agency. But we shall try!

I think that about covers the nuts and bolts of the key players. Next up, how you can be a key player too!

Joyfully,
The Hoffers